Mate's friend 2 close for comfort.....please rewind.?

Hi 2 all out there, I know I will be judged but who cares, I have 2 let it out…..4give the number/words… About 2 wks ago I made a horrible decision. I was intimate with my mate’s friend and I hate myself and my conscience is burning me alive. I had taken a tail of meds and alcohol, my mate had just emotionally abused me for the 100th time so I fled and somehow ran into his friend. I’ve called him before for comfort and he has a very calming way about him and is charming, fun, adventurous but also an incurable flirt. He told me many things one of which was that the night we all met, the only reason he told my mate to go get my number was because if he didn’t, this person would. He told me he’s always wanted me and thinks I’m awesome and I get treated horribly. I honestly don’t recall much of it—it’s a blur and then I remember standing in the store about to break down because the thought of being unfaithful is enough to send me to an asylum. I told this person about my feelings and he took it personal as if I were saying he wasn’t all that when in fact I was expressing my guilt for possibly crossing a line I would never cross in my RIGHT MIND. So I go home and do all the housework—hubby’s in same spot watching ESPN and smoking pot, asking where his red vines are,etc. I went to therapy and realized that was a wake-up call and I did it because all my emotional needs are unmet by an addict. The other person flaked on me (probably judged me) said I was “too intense” and didn’t know how to deal with me and can’t see me like that even though he fawned over me for months and told me how great I am. Now he’s back to his life, married to a 220 pound slovenly, ghetto, uncouth drug addict that he works 12 hr shifts to help support. He will not respond to any of my texes and I feel REJECTION and it hurts. I feel screwed because I put my future in jeopardy for someone who would blow me off like that. There are scores of men who adore me and I’m very refined in taste, manners, and appearance. Now I have trouble thinking men can be trusted. How do I forget this incident and move on? By the way, I found a huge stash of very hard core in my mates closet with a receipt for over 50.00. I felt a fool—I remember that day—being concerned about groceries, paying rent, and all for him to blow his money on that? For supposedly being gifted, I’m and idiot when it comes to love. Since then I’ve had a breakdown, had to be seen intensely by my MD and been severly depressed, unable to open my Bible sure of my destruction. What kind of woman does that kind of thing, esp. with her mate’s friend? I feel so stupid!! And if my mate ever finds out, I’ll be in a ditch somewhere—he’s volatile and immature. Can I blame him though I always had a nagging suspicion he cheated on me with one of my friends when I weighed 220 pounds. Could never prove it but I felt something familiar between them. By the way, we have 3-4 times a week, are light years apart in interests, and he sleeps on the sofa each night by choice. He’s the reincarnation of Elvis Presley, except without the gift, money, or charisma.